I have needed to change my focus with great intention, lately. That's because I have been dealing with chronic pain for many months, for more than two years, actually. And it may be a condition that will remain unchangeable. I have not ignored the options for dealing with it. I have received radio frequency ablation to no avail. I have had many steriod shots too . I have done physical therapy and acupuncture. But the pain persists. My solution, today, is to place my attention on Spirit. Not body. What I am discovering is that changing my focus s[...]
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Reflections in the Mirror – You and Yourself
2 Over this past week I was a co-leader of a 3 day workshop in Naples. The program included a phenomenal group of women and my co-facilitator was a phenomenal teacher. I even got many "take-aways," a gift I hadn't expected, actually. Since both Jill (Kelly) and I teach writing groups, I had made an assumption that "my way" was a very good way, maybe the best way. However, doing a few of her exercises intertwined with a few of mine made the program richer in every way, for us and for the participants. The main point of this is that I got another dose of[...]
I found that remembering and then writing about my past, particularly the parts that were grim or embarrassing or sometimes even shameful; released me from their hold. We cannot be held hostage by any thing or any one without our consent. That’s not an easy idea to believe when first introduced to it. I had never ever thought of “hostage” in those terms. But I was a hostage for sure. I lived in the shame of my past for many years. And telling all of it, every last part of it to any one any where seemed fool-hardy. Just the opposite is true, in[...]
I have been in the recovery rooms for more than three and a half decades and most of my movement has been "forward." I detailed much of that in my recent book: My Story to Yours: A Guided Memoir for Writing Your Recovery Journey, published by Hazelden, fall of 2011. However, there are times when the going is rough. Even after all these years, and writing a book detailing my progress, becoming stuck is possible. I have been experiencing one of the stuck times of late. What triggered it is any one's guess. What has maintained its hold on me is my own unw[...]
No doubt we can all remember the song of that title: Breaking Up Is Hard To Do. And it's likely we have all experienced the trauma of it happening to us. I am presently watching, with a supportive eye, open arms and a loving heart, a very dear friend pick her way carefully through the many brambles of a relationship gone bad. It's an ending that very much needed to happen but it's not easy to execute, regardless. Or experience. Breaking up is simply never easy. Yet it's often necessary, sometimes even life-preserving. In the work I have been doing for[...]
Circle of Family and Friends - You and Your Personal Community, Reflections in the Mirror - You and Yourself
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Finding joy in the ordinary. . .
This is not the first post about joy that I have recently written. It's on my mind because of the seminars I do, the books I write and my own daily commitment to living joyfully. Obviously I believe it's attainable; and yet I know many who seldom express joy or even seek it. I used to fall into that category and now I wonder why it took me so long to wake up. The minister at the church I attend spoke about joy today and posed these questions: "What's keeping you from feeling joy much of the time?" And "What is it that you do that does bring you joy?" Th[...]
I wrote about the importance of listening in my last post but it really can't be stressed enough. It's through the attention we give to others that we both honor them and hear the messages God has for us. I'm convinced of this. When I first came into the recovery rooms, I found it hard to listen to the voices of some people. They were either saying the same thing week after week, it seemed, or they were talking about a topic that didn't interest me. And when they whined, I quickly turned them off. Then my sponsor got ahold of me! She convinced me that e[...]
I was estranged from my family during the last years of my using days. I saw them once or twice a year but seldom more. And they weren't all that sorry about my absence. I was easily triggered to be angry at them about every opinion they held. My presence created tension, constant tension, and no amount of alcohol eased it. On the contrary, any amount escalated my urgency to argue. But that all changed. Not over night, but it changed. For the first few years of my recovery, I can recall still wanting them to share my opinions but I learned to bite[...]
You can teach an old dog new tricks. I'm proof positive. Just ask my friend Dan Griffin. (You can see his work and web page by going to dangriffin.com). I mentioned in the last post that I had received an iPad for my birthday and even though I wanted it, I was intimidated and not at all certain it would be as useful as I'd hoped. Not because it lacked any of the capabilities I needed but because I feared I'd not get comfortable with those capabilities. I have learned how to get around on it, however, even though there are dozens of things that haven't been[...]
Reflections in the Mirror - You and Yourself, What I Believe - You and Your Higher Power, Your Experience, Strength and Hope
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Detachment is one pathway to peace of mind. . .
I have written often about detachment. In books, articles and throughout this blog. It's of major importance to my life because it's the key to my own peaceful state of mind. I want to stress that detachment doesn't mean not caring about others. In fact, it means to care enough about others to let them make their own decisions, to live their own lives, even make their own mistakes. This isn't easy to do when we first try it. When I first heard the word, I couldn't even fathom its ever-so-subtle meaning. Eventually I gleaned from listening to others[...]