Those of us in Alcoholics Anonymous know, "acceptance is the answer to all our problems." Many of us would agree that it's easier said than done, but I am living proof that it can be done if you are willing, persistent, and make a habit of practicing acceptance. Quite likely we have hundreds of opportunities every day where the practice of acceptance comes in handy. Our experiences steer us, quite intentionally I think, into situations of potential conflict, but we never, ever have to engage in a conflict. We can step away. We can allow the other person to have[...]
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Reflections in the Mirror – You and Yourself
4 Sticking to a project of any kind provides its own reward. I learned this well while in graduate school. I was an enigma to my friends because I loved writing the multitude of papers that were assigned. And unlike most of them, I didn't put them off until the last minute. I quite intentionally worked on the assigned paper every day, some times only a couple of hours in a day, but I didn't let a day go by without making some progress. It gave me the structure I needed. It felt almost like a sacred undertaking when approached in this way. I don't reme[...]
The title of this post is the title of one of my recent books. (You can check it out if interested on amazon.) I mention it today because it's great shorthand for how to live differently. As a woman in recovery I talk to a lot of other women, and men too, in recovery who struggle, as I have struggled, with wanting a different life, a different set of experiences, different friends perhaps. But if we keep doing the same old thing we will keep getting the same old results. Wherever we go there we are, as author and speaker Earnie Larson was famous for sayin[...]
Circle of Family and Friends - You and Your Personal Community, Reflections in the Mirror - You and Yourself
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To embrace detachment offers us freedom from bondage. . .
I ponder the idea of detachment quite often. It's been the topic in more than one of the books I have written, (see www.womens-spirituality.com, books section) and it is the primary topic in many of the workshops and lectures I do in the public arena. I love the topic because it speaks to so many of us. And even though my life is no longer consumed by my attachments to others, the past can become the present all too easily. A "slip of the mind" can trigger the old behavior and I don't want to go there. I don't think I had ever heard the word "detachment[...]
I was at an Al-Anon meeting at noon today and even though the subject being discussed wasn't specifically "attachment," it did come up. Letting the behavior of others, their moods, their actions, their opinions and comments control how we feel in the moment is common to us "codependents." I still remember the first time I heard the term "codependent" and at the time I was in so much denial about my own codependency, that I didn't recognize how clearly the syndrome described me. I didn't want to be that person so I insisted I wasn't. However, since childho[...]
Circle of Family and Friends - You and Your Personal Community, Reflections in the Mirror - You and Yourself
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Leading from the heart heals all living things. . .
I was at a great 12 step meeting last night where the topic was "opening our hearts" to the travelers on our path, whoever they might be. I am personally convinced that we could heal the wounds of the world if every one of us offered a "heart-felt" expression even once a day. It wouldn't be that difficult. We could begin with the first person we see upon arising. For many of us that would be a family member and how often do we walk right by them on our way to pouring that first cup of coffee without even acknowledging them with a kind "good morning." We[...]
Circle of Family and Friends - You and Your Personal Community, Reflections in the Mirror - You and Yourself
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The gifts of recovery are far-reaching. . .
Every time I go to a meeting or receive a phone call from a friend or sit down at my computer to read comments on the posts I have written or open emails from readers who have been helped by one or another of my books, I sit back, stunned, by the impact of the changes that have occurred in my life simply because I got clean and sober. I never, in my wildest dreams, expected to live the life I have been given. And I no longer doubt that God orchestrated it all. There is simply no other reasonable explanation. I was thinking about this when my sisters and I w[...]
Hello, dear friends. Actually, I have not exactly been tardy but I have been away from the blog and for that I owe you an explanation. Some of you have counted on me writing every 3 or 4 days and that's been my intent too. But I have been working very hard, for months, to finish my memoir and have let this part of my work life go unattended to. I emailed the book yesterday so now I will catch up here. I love writing this blog so I have really missed it. Opening up the page today and seeing that I have 1,545 comments is rather daunting but I'm committe[...]
We've probably all made tons of resolutions over the years that we adhered to for a week or less. Maybe only a few hours, in fact. Perhaps that's because resolutions are geared to what we are Not going to do, ever again! I think a more helpful approach might be to set goals or intentions for what we do want to do in the coming year, rather than what we are not going to do. For instance, a sensible intention might be the following: "I am going to say hello, with a smile in my voice, to the first person I see upon awaking." For sure they can be any thing th[...]
Many recent readers have commented specifically on some of my earlier posts dealing with detachment. This is like music to my ears since detachment has been one of my favorite topics to write and speak about in lectures and workshops for the past few years. (See amazon.com for a listing of my books). I think writers generally stick close to those areas that have special meaning for them and from childhood into adulthood, I was far too attached to others for my good feelings, and my self-esteem. I commonly let how friends looked at me or talked to me defin[...]