Reflections in the Mirror – You and Yourself

I can still recall, as though it were yesterday, complaining bitterly to my early sponsor that nothing seemed to be changing in my life.  I was still filled with anxiety.  I was still obsessed with what others might be thinking of me.  I was still doubting that I'd ever feel like so many of my new companions seemed to feel. Getting up every morning felt like a chore.  I was just plain scared.  I didn't want to drink but I didn't know how to live in my skin.  And she had the gall to say, "When did you last write a gratitude list?" To be honest, I wasn't su[...]

On Sunday, Jo Campe, the minister at The Recovery Church in St. Paul asked us to think about our character defects. I don't know about you but I hate to think about my character defects, particularly the one that's pointed out to me on a regular basis.  However, I know that admitting to defects, and to this one in particular, is the only way I can hope to get free of its grip. My primary defect continues to be control.  Plain and simple!  I hate to admit to still having this defect after three and a half decades of recovery as a "Double Winner."  I'm embarr[...]

A few evenings ago I was in a wonderful meeting and among other things, we discussed God's will.  I can still remember with such clarity how troubled I was with this idea when I first heard others discussing it in my early days of recovery.  Like so many people before me, I feared God's will might be for me to sell every thing I owned and move to an ashram or at least to some other part of the world to do I knew not what.  I simply couldn't imagine following any one else's plan for me, regardless if it was God's or not. Every day, I think for years, I tried[...]

I'm not a great meditator, in the traditional sense.  When I first got sober I took a course in Transcendental Meditation, as did many of my friends.  It had become the rage in the seventies.  I paid $75.00 for the training and a mantra that I was assured was spoken by no one other than me.  I believed them.  They also said I must not tell any one what my mantra was or it would lose its "power."  Again, I believed them.  And for more than two years I meditated twice daily for the assigned twenty minutes, morning and late afternoon.  Ha rum, Ha rum, I whisp[...]

What does staying the course mean?  I have thought about this a lot because of the recovery path I have remained committed to for the past 35 years.  The way I see it, it means continuing with the daily routine that keeps me spiritually grounded even when I want to let it slide for a spell. I have experienced the results of the "slide" in times past and I don't like the feelings I'm left with, the ennui, the sense of loss and separation from my Higher Power and the people in my life.  Connection for me is crucial to my well being.  It's also what propels me[...]

I pose that question because I think it's worthy of consideration in every conversation I  have.  I have tried over the past few years to let those words guide me when sharing my opinions with others.  It's simply so natural for me to think I have all the answers; that my assessment of any situation is the correct one.  However, what may be right for me is not necessarily right for some one else.  This is true whether we are talking about the action a person is considering or the opinion one is harboring.  It's not my right, or any one else's either, to assu[...]