I didn’t grow up in a “faith-filled” home. I never observed any one at 827 being quietly peaceful, trusting that the experiences we were sharing would work out OK. The days and nights were generally very tense, undergirded with the expectation that an outburst over something, large or small, imagined even, might occur at any moment. And usually did. Night after night the feeling present at the supper table mimicked the feeling at lunch. Tension was served and felt with each bite. Our family doctor, Dr. Cole, told my mother that I had a nervous st[...]
2 I am often the only person in a collection of friends who is genuinely happy that Christmas is heading toward us, at full-speed. I have loved every aspect of the holidays since childhood. Is it because I grew up in a healthy, happy family? Not really. But we did seem to rise above the tension, the chaos and cutting criticism for most of the month of December. Mom made candy, lots of it, which my dad loved. And together we all put up the tree. The tree trimming night we got to eat the first of the fudge she had made. The house smelled good and the l[...]
I don’t know about you but I have stumbled many times getting to where I am now. I began stumbling, literally, when I took my first drink at 13. Hiding behind the garage at an outdoor family gathering, I gulped down my whiskey and coke before any one could notice me. The rush I felt was quickly matched by the uneasiness I experienced as I headed back to the group. With darting vision, I hurried into the house so no one would guess what I had been up to. What I could have learned then was that alcohol had the capacity to “trip” a person up in more[...]
I began the practice of “stepping aside” only after years of stepping into business that was clearly not my own. I had mistakenly assumed that helping others make their decisions was an important “calling.” It showed them I cared. It was my way of remaining important to them. Or so I thought. From childhood on I had virtually always felt on the edge of abandonment. By girlfriends. By boyfriends. By husbands. Thus I felt the constant pull to live “in the middle” of everyone else’s life. That way they couldn’t forget about me. [...]
The gift of a somewhat retired life is having the time to fully appreciate the power of now, the power of nothingness. Which is, of course, the power of everythingness. This is a space I'm growing into in these days and weeks, hopefully months and years too, since turning 74. Everythingness, what a glorious doorway to the unfolding of a life already well lived, and yet one that is ripe for far more living. Since the age of 13 I have been employed. I have also been alcoholic since that age too. Until now I had not considered that parallel in my life. Does the al[...]
I have lost a number of very good friends over the past couple of years. And I have mementoes from three of the women in my study. From one a rock, from another a book and the third, a pin. I find myself looking at their pictures, holding their remembrances, and feeling their presence in a very distinct way each time. I think of these women, and my mother too, as the angels who hover around my shoulders at good times as well as difficult times. And actually, I have very few difficult times any more. I’m inclined to think it might be because I have t[...]
I’ve mentioned in other posts how important A Course in Miracles has been to my spiritual development. Because “the course” complements the twelve steps of AA and Al-Anon, I feel many moments of actual joy nearly every day, a pay-off I had never expected. These three pathways have grounded me. For sure, had I not found both twelve step programs a number of decades ago, prior to my introduction to the course, I wouldn’t be alive to explore the ideas I’m tossing your way within these posts. I was headed down a very dark alley, completely unaware of[...]
W.A.I.T. is an acronym for why am I talking? A young woman shared this idea at one of my AA meetings a few years ago. I had never heard it before but have used it, remembered it, forgotten it, and denied it to myself hundreds of times since then. It's a brilliant shortcut to staying out of the thick of someone else's business. It is all so easy to stick my nose in where it isn't needed. Backseat driving it is and this can happen as easily in my living room as in the car. Choosing silence is a remarkably simple choice but not one that's easily made. B[...]
I am beginning a new book. As I "see" it now, it will be a book of essays that will drive home to the reader the idea that just because we are moving into a later stage of life, we need not assume that our joys will diminish. On the contrary, for most people they will flourish because they are relieved of myriad responsibilities they were saddled with in the earlier decades of life. Children are grown and educated. Retirement is at hand or already being enjoyed. Fewer expenses have to be worried over. Down-sizing has become the ideal and time for relax[...]
Feeling hopeless about a situation in your life makes all forward movement seem impossible. It’s not an accident that we have people around us who can share our sorrows and express hope for us when our own is depleted. Our lives are quite intentional, aren’t they? As has been said by thousands of people, nothing is happening accidentally. When one of us is down, another person appears who can show us the rainbow that’s hidden from our view. She didn’t appear haphazardly. She had an assignment. And you are fulfilling that “assignment” on occ[...]