To react or not, that’s the choice when someone is getting under our skin. Angrily or disgustedly reacting rather than making a conscious choice to act when in the company of a person who is either getting under our skin, dismissing us all together, or being rude or mean-spirited is the default position of many. There are myriad ways to act, to respond to any situation, however. My years in Al-Anon have given me a handbook of good choices, in fact. Anger, for instance, is never one of the better ones, even when some one attacks us verbally. If the attac[...]
2 Detachment is stepping back from an experience in order to allow room for God to do his part. I seldom remember, without some prodding that I initially resist, that God is a factor in every person’s experience. My ego’s first inclination is to think I am a necessary factor. And not just an ordinary one but the deciding one. Giving up control and letting God be the key influence in the lives of my loved ones is not easy. It takes trust. Not only trust in God but trust in others and in my own willingness to approach my experiences with all[...]
If we fail to detach from a person who is always in turmoil, we’re likely to blame them for our unhappiness. Allowing the irresponsible behavior or insane turmoil surrounding some one else to become the focus of how we are feeling in the moment is a terrible set-up for a resentment. And we all know how this feels. Choosing to blame others for our lack of peace is commonplace. We are in charge of our feelings. No one’s behavior has the power to determine them but we succumb, quite often, to this mind-set. Many of us learned this at the feet of our[...]
I well remember when I first saw the slogan: keep it simple. I couldn't fathom what it actually meant. My life was complicated. And for good reason it was complicated. I was in graduate school at the time and teaching at the University of Minnesota. I was in and out of bad relationships and was sent to Al-Anon as a coping strategy for the most recent relationship. Like so many of them before, including the 12 year marriage that had ended three years earlier, alcohol was seen as the culprit, someone else's alcohol use, to be more specific. No one had[...]
Circle of Family and Friends - You and Your Personal Community, Reflections in the Mirror - You and Yourself
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Having the willingness. . .
Nothing changes in our lives unless we have the willingness to make another choice about how we see a situation or a person whom we have encountered. Perspective it's called. And that makes all the difference regarding what kind of day we will experience. The good news is that we have the ability to change our perspective at will. That's where the willingness comes in. If you aren't comfortable with a person or in a particular situation, seek to see them differently. Then wait. A shift will happen. Some refer to that shift as a miracle. I certai[...]
It's a fact. Every single one of us has a purpose. And of course, there is only one of each of us. Only one! This means we are quite specifically completing one tiny part of the whole. Think of it as a jigsaw puzzle. No other person can fill the "space" assigned to us. No one! We are fulfilling a role that has been designated as ours alone. What I am doing will always be a different assignment from yours. Our work may fall into similar categories but there will be differences. Important differences and the people who should be affected by wha[...]
There are no doubt many answers to this question, but I know my moodiness is generally due to one of two things: I am either tired or I am afraid about something. Both reasons are easily addressed I think. Being tired requires getting more rest. The solution is obvious. Being afraid is a bit more complex. But being a student of ACIM offers me an answer. If I am afraid, I have squeezed love out. I have turned my life, for the moment, over to the ego. The important question is "Why?" I have said many times in many workshops and many books too that[...]
Taking that ever important moment to "step aside," can make a huge difference in how we perceive the people and the circumstances that surround us. Over none of them do we have control. But we do have full control over how we perceive every person and every situation. And that's a lot of power. Power that we are both privileged to have and expected to use. Pausing before formulating a decision regarding how to act in any circumstance rewards us with a quieting mind. For some of us a quiet mind is scarce. I have discovered, however, that the more I p[...]
At a recent meeting a woman suggested the above question as a topic for discussion. Not once in 37 years had I heard this suggestion as a topic. I was immediately intrigued. Actually, it stopped me in my tracks because it dawned on me that I had not been thinking about the steps, not a single one of them, in a very focused way. And yet, their constant value in my life can't be overstated. After pausing for a moment, I acknowledged that without them, without every one of them, I might not even be here to reap the benefits of this very rich life. No s[...]
To be at peace is my goal. It's my intention. I've even decided to adopt it as my mission statement. I WANT TO LIVE AN INTENTIONALLY PEACEFUL LIFE WHICH REQUIRES THAT I OFFER THE HAND OF PEACE TO MY FELLOW TRAVELERS. I was with some women at lunch today and the idea of a mission statement for ourselves came up. Each of us felt a kinship with the idea. Living haphazardly, as many of us did in the past, is no longer appealing. Maturation makes the difference, I think. But so does the decision to live more selflessly count. Getting up every morning[...]