I've thought a lot about change this winter. I know it's because I have experienced many changes and not always gracefully. I didn't kick and holler but, at an emotional level, I resisted the inevitable. What I'm trying to say here is that I find it hard to practice what "I preach." I have been talking about change in books and workshops for decades. And I have said, probably ten thousand times, that no door closes without another door opening. I have also said we have been fully prepared for every change that occurs. And no change, absolutely no ch[...]
2 Detachment is simply watching the events that are unfolding around you, getting involved only when your journey is part of the experience. Not reacting to the people or the situations that so easily attract our attention is not an easy skill to develop. And skill it is. We must practice driving and chipping and putting a ball to be a good golfer. We have to hit thousands of tennis balls against a backdrop to play tennis competitively. And we have to sit for long, long hours at a keyboard to become proficient at piano. We would not expect to be very goo[...]
Attachment to people deadlocks our growth. Those women and men on our journey are blessings, for sure. Every one of them. Even those people who seem to be difficult to be around. It’s been said by the really wise that the more difficult an encounter, the greater the lesson and ultimate wisdom gained. However, if we let the presence of any one on our path, those people we adore as well as those we abhor, side track us from the “work” we are here to do, we will be cheating ourselves. And when we cheat ourselves, we are cheating every one else too.[...]
Circle of Family and Friends - You and Your Personal Community, Reflections in the Mirror - You and Yourself
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Letting others be . . . to grow as they will . . . or not, is a true gift
Detachment is knowing that happiness is the guaranteed byproduct of how we live our lives, not how others are living theirs. It's my intention to do a few posts on detachment over the next few weeks. I have learned that being being sucked into the struggles of others leaves no time for me to fully experience the day that stands before me. Allowing others to be glad or sad, successful or unsuccessful, angry or dour, sober or drunk; and knowing how ever they are need not be central to our journey, is real freedom. But coming to understand how to live "peac[...]
Detachment is knowing that the mind can change if what you say to the mind, changes. We simply are not able to hold more than one thought in our minds at a time. And what ever thought we harbor has been cultivated by none other than ourselves. That’s both the good and the bad news of our lives. No one has power over how we think. Of course, that also means we can blame no one else for what we think! If we put good thoughts in our minds, we will express good thoughts to others. The converse is just as powerfully true. Being consumed with the acti[...]
When my sponsor introduced me to this idea, I honestly couldn't fathom what she meant. Teachers? She further said that there were no accidents. Everything that happened was part of "my script." I can still remember being confounded by her "instruction," and a bit frightened. How did she know these things? Should I be alarmed by her words? When things happened that felt strange, it increased my uncertainty about her and this new sober life I was attempting. I look back on this earlier time as confusing, to say the least. And very grateful that I[...]
Almost every belief I cherish today, I scoffed at before becoming committed to a 12 step fellowship. I didn't believe in God. I thought that if you gave something away, it was gone forever. I was sure that hanging on to resentments was both normal and protective; and in fact, others deserved my negative thoughts, judgments and responses to them. Why would they ever change if I didn't point out the ways in which they should change. Yikes. What an unkind, uncompromising woman I was. I'm so glad I'm not her any more, but, and it's a big but, I can recl[...]
Detachment is not being a victim any more. Some say there are no victims, only volunteers. When I first heard that phrase, I was mystified. How could a person who suffered at the hands of another be considered a volunteer? But volunteers, we are. Lest you misunderstand, I don’t want to suggest that there are no culprits in this world. However, how we perceive those people who mistreat us is our choice. We can see those who are mean-spirited, or worse, as fearful, angry people who are looking for acceptance, even love, in the only way they know how.[...]
Prayer is a "staple" of my life. No doubt this is true for many of you too. And "acting as if" is also a staple that I adopted after coming into the fellowship in 1974. It was an amazing tool for a beginner. It's effectiveness continues to amaze me too. It's a shortcut that can transport us from one state of mind to another, a shortcut I have relied on for years, and I have to exercise this long-held belief once again. I have revealed to you in more than one blog of late that my own state of mind has been troubled. Nothing negative has happened in my[...]
Most of us have made resolutions over the years. And probably we have broken them before the first week of the new year had even passed. If that's troubling to you, take heart. It's common. Remake the resolution. And then try again to follow through. Perfection is not our goal. Improvement is. There isn't a single one of us who can't do a better job in regard to a resolution if we put our mind to it. Giving ourselves the freedom to try again, to recommit to what ever our goal was, is a sign of emotional maturity. Goals give our lives purpose a[...]