How troubling are your character defects?

On Sunday, Jo Campe, the minister at The Recovery Church in St. Paul asked us to think about our character defects. I don’t know about you but I hate to think about my character defects, particularly the one that’s pointed out to me on a regular basis.  However, I know that admitting to defects, and to this one in particular, is the only way I can hope to get free of its grip.

My primary defect continues to be control.  Plain and simple!  I hate to admit to still having this defect after three and a half decades of recovery as a “Double Winner.”  I’m embarrassed, in fact.  Have I been brain-dead all these years?  I don’t think so but I do think the ego doesn’t want me to change.  As long as I stay in the grip of wanting to control others, I will remain in a state of conflict with whoever “the other” is,  and that pleases the ego very much.  The conflict need not be a serious one.  Even a minor one pleases the ego because it keeps me from “hearing” the voice of my Higher Power which will always suggest that I let go and seek peace instead.

The irony is that I have done a lot of writing these past few years about letting go.  Some of you know my books so you know what I’m referring to.  Does this mean that what I write isn’t honest?  On the contrary.  I write about topics I continue to struggle with.  Perhaps if I get fully healed one day, I’ll write no more books; but I think that’s not likely to happen any time soon.

I would like to quit trying to control others, however.  It’s a fallacy to think we can ever really control any one but the nagging attempts to do so are so obnoxious to the one who is the focus of the attempt and to any on-lookers.  Asking God for help is one solution, Paster Campe suggested.  I think it’s time I made a more serious attempt to do just that.

How are you doing with your defects?  Today is a good day to make a commitment to getting free of their hold on you.  Prayer is a good beginning.