Circumstances aren’t always as they seem. . .

I have referenced This is Water in two earlier posts and now I want to reveal the end of David Lawrence Foster’s story.  He hung himself in 2008.  He had suffered from severe and chronic depression his whole life and gave up when the medication no longer kept it at bay.  He was in his early forties.

His parents shared that his life had been a roller coaster of depression since childhood.  The wonderful thing for all of us is that we have many terrific books to remember him by.  (see amazon.com) His way of looking at the world resonated with me.  What’s obvious is that none of us can know the whole of some one else.  Only the words they share. When I read the book, I would never have guessed his fragility.  I imagine David’s close friends were at least partially aware of his struggle but it’s doubtful that any of them expected him to hang himself.

What I was struck by when I googled him and learned of his death, (after being mesmerized by the book) was what a thin line many of us walk between living in the comfort of Spirit and letting it be in charge of our lives, and giving into the insanity of the ego who is always waiting, front and center, to carry us into troubled waters.

I think the moment of suicide, for David, was that moment of insanity that can catch any one of us off guard.  It’s not that most people will choose to end their life, but opting to do some thing crazy or hideous that affects others, can occur in the blink of an eye.  Hyper vigilance is some times necessary, particularly if we are feeling separate from others and the God of our understanding.

I think it’s important to say that Foster’s choice to end his life doesn’t detract, in any way, the value of his words in the many books he wrote. Perhaps they make them even more poignant.  His sensitivity to those around him, a sensitivity that was revealed in the fish story, serves as a great lesson to all of us.  Might noticing the people around us, really noticing them, be the answer to the prayer that some one has been saying?

We’ll not likely know for sure, but we can know that paying attention to the travelers God has sent our way is one way of revealing our Spirit to others.