Acceptance is the way to peace of mind. . .
Those of us in Alcoholics Anonymous know, “acceptance is the answer to all our problems.” Many of us would agree that it’s easier said than done, but I am living proof that it can be done if you are willing, persistent, and make a habit of practicing acceptance.
Quite likely we have hundreds of opportunities every day where the practice of acceptance comes in handy. Our experiences steer us, quite intentionally I think, into situations of potential conflict, but we never, ever have to engage in a conflict. We can step away. We can allow the other person to have whatever his or her opinion is. We can learn to enjoy the freedom of not needing to be right. What a joy that discovery is!
I lived in perpetual conflict for many years. In my family of origin it was the natural state of affairs. My parents engaged in it almost daily. My father and I picked up where my parents left off. And I felt like I had to be right. I couldn’t give in. It was constant, dreaded and addictive, all at the same time. I carried my propensity to argue into my other relationships too. And it never occurred to me that insecurity was what initiated it in me, my dad and every one else too. How glad I am those days are over for me.
Peaceful, secure people can discuss their differences reasonably. They can even embrace the differences that exist between themselves and others. They can be grateful for the opportunities to interact with people who hold beliefs far different from their own. And I am happy to say that with practice, I am becoming that person. Effort is the tool. Daily effort. Sometimes hourly effort.
Having the Serenity Prayer as a tool to rely on every time I am about to “go where I need not go,” is a remarkable gift. Grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference. There is no problem that can’t be either alleviated or lessened by the application of this prayer.
Even though it’s a prayer that is said often in the multitude of 12 step meetings throughout the world, it’s universal in appeal too. Perhaps it’s bold of me to suggest this but if more people used it on a more frequent basis, there would be fewer conflicts in families, among friends, in neighborhoods, communities, and between countries even. No problem is too big or too small to be lessened by the application of the “serenity prayer.” Try it for a day. Just one day. Every time a situation arises that you want to control, say and “apply,” the Serenity Prayer. Feel the inner turmoil lessen. It will astound you. Peace will come.
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karencasey
Download Android Apps Games ApkThanks for your comment. I’m always pleased when my words resonate with others.
Karen
Cam
Hi Karen,
I found your book on my mom’s shelf last night while I was taking care of her cats. She’s in the hospital with a broken back and ankle and so accepting that everything happens for a reason was a challenge-my mom couldn’t have fallen down her stairs just so I’d find myself looking for something helpful to read on her bookshelf.
But yet, I’m still wondering. I agree with one of the ideas in Change your Mind and your life will follow. If I decide to see meaning and a lesson in everything and then find out when I die that life was arbitary I still probably had a better life because I saw meaning.
So what does this all have to do with acceptance? Yesterday my mother’s doctor mentioned old fractures in her back that showed up on the MRI. My mom didn’t know her back was fractured long ago-she just remembers it hurting. I burst into tears. I’m sure the doctor thought I was crying about the new fractures but I stared and my mom and I knew that we were thinking exactly the same thing. She wrote an autobiography with a chapter about the day her ex-husband beat her so badly she couldn’t ski anymore. Supposedly I was there and stopped him but I don’t remember. My dad says it didn’t happen. But here, years later in the doctors office I know that my dad was the one who broke her back-it’s not like she would have broken her back some other way and just not noticed.
And now I have to figure out how to love my dad. Because he is my dad and he loves me and he’s changed and doesn’t hurt people physically anymore. But I’m going to have to accept the past and that this awful fact about my father is never going to change.
I suppose what your book gave me was the idea that I’m never going to think what my dad did was okay, or understand how he could do that while I was there but perhaps it’s up to me if I allow it to keep me from being happy in relationships or not. I noticed that when I date someone I’m always afraid I’ll end up like my mom-this is the fear that sparks my arguments. I’m always afraid that I’ll never know what a reasonable relationship with a man looks like.
This is the story I tell myself all the time. But maybe I can change that. I know I’m a good person-I know right from wrong. I can tell people what I need without aruging about it. I can always leave. So I suppose what I figured out was that maybe I should just imagine that I am going to be capable of taking care of myself and making good decisions about men. I don’t know. I suppose I’m putting it together.
Reading about someone who had father anger issues and what worked for you definitely gave me hope on a day that I was wondering how to cope. Well, this is a long comment. But thank you!
But I suppose
karencasey
CamHi Cameron,
It was amazing to read your comment. It seems, for sure, that you have an excellent handle on your life. Your perspective about the past and what you need to do in the present is clear and hopeful. I wish you well. Thanks for sharing with me and others.
Blessings,
Karen