Just this past week end I led a workshop at the Dan Anderson Renewal Center at the Hazelden Foundation in Center City, MN. Twenty women, one man and I sat together over three days and explored how to “Journal Our Way to Spiritual Health.” From my perspective the participants met with great success and that’s because trust was quickly established as the result of their willingness to be open and vulnerable from the moment they introduced themselves to the close of the workshop on Sunday. When these qualities are coupled with the fact that the participants “dared” to write from their hearts, growth for all is possible. Indeed, growth for all occurred.
What a pleasure it was for me, the facilitator, to observe their interactions, the friendships being forged, and the encouragement that was expressed, person to person. And all of these positive signs resulted from a setting where people felt safe. I am so grateful that I can help create a setting like that by my adherence to the principles of good listening, principles that are simple but necessary if you want your participants to speak from their hearts.
What are those principles? Quiet the chatter in your own mind. Ask for your Higher Power’s help if the chatter continues at first. Look intently at the person while he or she is sharing. Pretend, if necessary, that you are the only two in the room, that she is talking directly and only to you. Discern the key idea that underlies what she is sharing. Be prepared to ask her to clarify or elaborate on some point she made. In this way, both of you will know that real listening occurred.
Being “intentional” when we listen takes energy. In fact, after a week end of it I feel exhausted. But it’s a good kind of tired. It has grown out of my commitment to honoring the other people who have chosen to share the week end with me. We can transfer these principles to every setting we find ourselves in. In fact, there are few principles as important as these when the goal is to honor others, to facilitate growth in others, to witness to the human existence of others. Praise be to God that’s our main “assignment” in this life.
Let’s begin our “homework” immediately.
