Letting others be . . . to grow as they will . . . or not, is a true gift

Detachment is knowing that happiness is the guaranteed byproduct of how we live our lives, not how others are living theirs.  It’s my intention to do a few posts on detachment over the next few weeks.  I have learned that being being sucked into the struggles of others leaves no time for me to fully experience the day that stands before me.

Allowing others to be glad or sad, successful or unsuccessful, angry or dour, sober or drunk; and knowing how ever they are need not be central to our journey, is real freedom.   But coming to understand how to live “peacefully detached” takes time, willingness to believe in this as a possibility, and then perseverance.  Lots of perseverance.  Few develop this awareness over night.  Some never develop it.  But being able to detach from the lives of others as a path for truly living becomes the first day of real freedom, the kind of freedom we have never known.  This I can guarantee.

Tying our happiness to any one else no doubt means we also tie our anger or confusion or depression to them too.  Sadly, many of us do live this way.  Or did.  I have to admit this was my path for many years.  Whatever any one else said or did, how any one else felt, was what determined my emotions too.  It’s a bit embarrassing to say that I lived this way into my late thirties.  And if I had not been introduced to a twelve step program, I might still be tying “my star” to some one else’s dream.  Or nightmare.  My path was not unusual.  I know many others who struggled, some still do, with the same issue.  Our culture encourages it.  But we can live differently.  I know.  I do now.

But as I have already said, it takes willingness.  And not just a little willingness.  Constant is more like it.  The payoff is remarkable, however.  Our load is lightened, immediately.  The sense of freedom we feel is without measure.  The joy we experience at not dancing around the lives of others is a gift like no other.  Every day feels a little bit like a longed-for-vacation when we let everyone fly free.

Some will say, “This sounds great but I need to watch over others.  They are depending on me.” On the contrary, others will never find or fulfill their own journey if we make a practice of peeking over their shoulders, or worse, doing for them what they need to do for themselves.  God is their guiding presence.  Let Him do His job.  And then, let’s do our own.