Aging. . .

I turned 74 last week. Yikes!!  I have been sober exactly half my age.  And I can’t begin to account for all that has happened on my journey of 74 years.  I can assure you much of it wasn’t according to my plan!  And how lucky I am that my plan was thwarted by God more than 37 years ago.  I’d not be alive to write this blog if I had had my way.  As a matter of fact, God tried to get my attention hundreds of times.  I was just not willing to listen.

And then the miracle began.  It happened for me like for so many others.  The presence of someone else on my journey led me into Al-Anon first and then a counselor led me into AA a couple of years later.  Both programs continue to be paramount to the success of my journey.  I’m confident that will always be the case.  As a matter of fact, I go to more meetings per week now than I did in the early years of sobriety.  Do I need them more?  That’s doubtful.  But I know that giving back is at least half of my program.  Perhaps the better half.

I was at a meeting this morning and an old friend showed up, a woman I had known in the program many years ago.  She said she hadn’t been to meetings for years.  She had not relapsed, she simply didn’t include meetings in her schedule of activities.  That amazes me.  I have never considered, in all these years, not going to meetings.  She assured us she was doing just fine.  And I imagine she is.  I know that my comfort level demands that I be present to witness the journey of others, and to be witnessed, in return.  Our program is a we program.  None of us does it alone.  And for that I’m thankful.

The irony of this fact of my journey is that I was always desperate to be “a we,” throughout my life.  My abandonment issue, an issue that had haunted me from childhood on, made me cling to others, men in particular.  Certain that I’d never make it alone.  Of course, the “we” I was after then was far different from the “we” that saves each one of us now.  What I wanted too much I have received.  It simply doesn’t look like I thought it would.  God had a better idea!  Wouldn’t you agree?