Contentment: a state of mind. . .

Are you content, right here, right now?  If you aren’t, (and I surely don’t claim to be content every moment, ) then you have some work to do.  It’s our responsibility,  and only our responsibility, to reach a place of contentment moment by moment.  When we put the burden on others to make us content, we chance driving them away.  And if they aren’t driven away, at the very least they will begin to resent us.  And rightly so.  We don’t want the burden of making others happy on our shoulders, so we shouldn’t put it on the shoulders of others to make us happy.  It’s a heavy load.

One of the realizations I had a few decades ago was that I had allowed everyone in my life to define me; whatever they did made me happy, mad or sad.  And I mean every one!  If you were a  friend, a lover, a colleague, or even a complete stranger; I quite willingly gave you power over my moods, and my self-worth too.  How you treated me, or mistreated me,  determined what I thought of myself.  If you dismissed me as unimportant to your life, I felt diminished.  If you scowled at me, I tried to discern what I had done to cause your displeasure.  There simply was no me, in me.  I was little more than a reflection of you.  Eventually I tried to fill the hollowness with alcohol and drugs but that was to no avail.  That’s fortunate, in fact. The sense of power they gave me eventually turned on me, as is true for every alcoholic, at least all the ones I’ve met in the rooms of AA.

Discovering how to find contentment, how to create it, in fact; has been the focus of my journey these last few decades.  And what good practices I have developed.  I didn’t “invent” these practices.  I sat at the feet of many wise souls, in the meetings and in books, and tried what had worked for others.  Lo and behold, my life began to change.  Before I even knew what was happening, my inner core began to resonate to new ideas.  I wasn’t living in the shadows of everyone else any more; I was creating my own shadow.  If you weren’t smiling, I no longer assumed it was my fault.  If you treated me with any form of disrespect, I knew you were having a bad day.  Not me.

This tiny little awareness created a gigantic shift in my personality.  No longer was I dependent on you for good feelings or bad.  No longer did I need your approval or your emotional support.  No longer was I tied to you for any part of my inner core.  It was solely my creation.  Being blessed with the responsibility for who we are every moment is a wonderful gift.  Don’t postpone opening it.  Your life deserves the change that’s sure to come.