Making the decision to do no harm, one act at a time. . .
I was in a great conversation with some women friends this morning. In fact, we talk every morning about the spiritual journey we share. It’s not only a wonderful way to begin the day but it’s a great opportunity to make a valuable contribution to the world we share with so many others. Our conversations always center on leaving the world a more peaceful place than we may found it when first arising. This morning our discussion boiled down to doing no harm, even for a minute, when in an encounter with a friend or a stranger.
Making the decision to live “from this mindset” guarantees a peaceful unfolding of the day. It also is a great gift we are offering to every one else too. Deciding how to interpret some one else’s actions so we can calibrate our own can be dispensed with. Interpreting what others are thinking or even saying isn’t the job we are here to do. Our job is to respond to those who have “been sent to us” with love.
The next time you wander into a meeting or a party or even the grocery; look around. Every person you see is your next opportunity to do no harm. To express love, in fact, through a smile, a warm gesture, even a silent prayer. there are as many ways to do no harm as our heart can possibly imagine.
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MP
I am learning this w/ my family of origin (which includes a Stepparent and a sibling). It all began when my therapist told me one day “well, the reason your step-has never been to visit you in your adult life is b/c your step- probably does not want a relationship w/ you.” I slowly began raising the issue and it started to snowball into a mountain of RESENTMENT. I felt I had a fairly significant family grievance w/ them (at 38yo lol) that just did not seem like they ever felt they needed to address or whatever or perhaps it was “not their path” or they just couldn’t do it or they had “gotten comfortable w/ the way things were.” Initially, I got incredibly angry b/c I just felt like I had been “punked” by the my parent & stepparent, pushed to the outskirts so to speak. So, I began hurling many flaming “word and thought” arrows their way. I also found a surrogate clan — my cousin’s. Then at a certain point I stopped throwing arrows (at least overtly) and set up an arrangment where I would text or email any nastiness that popped up in my head and had to get out to my cousin who “knew the deal.” I realized deep down that “hurting back” for a situation/person I did not create, control, or cure was futile and only rebounded on me. Now, the most I’m capable of at this point is trying to move fwd w/ my life and keep the focus on me. The challenge is to not TOTALLY IGNORE THEM when (my parent) makes some effort to stay connected. The feelings of powerlessness still a bit raw and diffult — and my EGO is still certainly prone to obsess on the “issue and the hurt” during the day. But w/ the serenity prayer it helps get the focus back on to me. I love them but — to some extent — I’m afraid of them b/c of the bad feelings that arise out of what I perceive to be a “raw deal.” I am however trying to get better at just accepting them as they are and i guess figure they did the best they could….that maybe they too were just “coping” best they could.
karencasey
MPI have found that to give any thing too much power keeps me stuck and then I don’t really grow in the ways I have been born to grow. Resentments hold me hostage. I simply don’t “entertain” them at all. I do believe we are all doing the best we can at any one time. That frees me of a huge burden. Thanks so much for taking the time to comment on the post.
Karen
MP
I am learning this w/ my family of origin (which includes a Stepparent and a sibling). iI had what I felt was a fairly significant grievance w/ them that just did not seem like they ever felt they needed to address or whatever or perhaps it was “not their path” or they just couldn’t do it. Initially, I got incredibly angry b/c I just felt like I had been “punked” by the stepparent, pushed to the outskirts so to speak. So, I began hurling many flaming “word and thought” arrows their way. Then at a certain point I stopped and set up an arrangment where I would text or email any nastiness that popped up to a cousin who “knew the deal.” I realized deep down that “hurting back” for a situation/person I did not create, control, or cure was futile and only rebounded on me. Now, the most I’m capable of at this point is trying to move fwd w/ my life. The challenge is to not TOTALLY IGNORE THEM when they do make some effort to stay connected. The feelings of powerlessness still a bit raw and diffult — and my EGO is certainly prone to obsess on the “issue” during the day. But w/ the serenity prayer it helps get the focus back on to me. I love them but — to some extent — I’m afraid of them b/c of the bad feelings that arise out of what I perceive to be “unfair.” I’m getting better at just accepting them as they are and i guess figure they did the best they could.
karencasey
MPYour comment is so well thought out and you have obviously grown a great deal in regard to the family of origin issues, issues that so many of us have had to face in our recovery. Knowing family members no doubt did the best they could with what they understood about life lets them off the hook and us too. We are held hostage by our unwillingness to forgive them. You are setting a great example for your own family. thanks for writing.
Karen
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I so agree with doing no harm, and showing love. the person I meet today may be the only opportunity for a nice interaction of love for them. so it is my responsibility to show it.
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noreen keatingAnd if we did all show it even to one person every day, the world would shift!!
Peace to you and yours,
Karen